So today I have decided to be depressed. It appears to be the most convenient option. I have assignments due and I should probably get round to printing out more resumes. But it’s okay; I’m depressed today so it provides the perfect justification for not doing any job (not that I have one) or task that might be on my to-do list.
I’m not sure how most people deal with the blues but this is generally what I do:
I toss my boots to one side and sit down on my big beautiful bed and wrap myself in its protective covers. I then turn on the television and begin to flick through the channels hoping something will tickle my fancy. Generally it doesn’t. I did catch Year in the life of J.K. Rowling the other day but other than that TV seems like an absolute insanity. I do have my guilty pleasures like everyone; I will always smile at; Knock, Knock, Penny? Knock, Knock, Penny? And I think a book should be written entitled The world according to Joey. But other than that if I wanted to watch “real life” people living together in a house I would sit on my roof with a telescope spying on my neighbours, but that would be considered creepy, maybe I could even lock all the doors and throw in a piece of cheese every other day, but I guess someone already thought of that when they pitched The Biggest Loser.
I much prefer DVDs; my ultimate depression series is One Tree Hill, it automatically makes me feel better because their lives are always much more in ruins than my own. I mean who am I to complain, at least a dog did not run away with my heart, when that heart transplant was the only thing that could have kept me alive. However when the episode ends I start to feel a little selfish, here I am perfectly fine, besides having the case of the convenient one-day depression when there are people out there in desperate need. Maybe I can set up a fund for the safer transfer of organs, but then it occurs to me that in real life, hearts are probably not transported in a Styrofoam boxes and carried into the hospital where dogs wait with their mouths open, ready to catch whatever falls out when the currier trips.
I then completely ignore how horrid I should feel about my egocentricity. For the rest of the day I remain in bed, I really refuse to move, expect if it means reaching for the remote to press the “Next episode button” or taking the long stertorous walk to the fridge, past the treadmill, past the workout bike and right into the pantry however there is nothing in there that would take me less than 2 minutes to prepare so I walk back to my bed.
As it turns out my one-day depression was a huge hit, I did absolutely nothing productive and ate my weight in food.
On the bright side I can now apply for The Biggest Loser, win a million dollars and set up TOTYNYD (Transporting Organs To You and Not Your Dog).