I’ve been leaving little extracts from the bible around the house on little pieces of paper, not that I am particularly religious; to be honest the more I read the bible the more I find it having little relevance to me personally but that is besides the point.
These extracts are for a specific purpose: I’m trying to convert my sister to nunism. It’s not really going so well at the moment especially with my mum yelling; “B, if I see one more of these notes stuck to the wall, you are moving out.”
But she can’t seem to understand the large scheme I am trying to pull here.
My idea first hit me after I found out that a boy in my sister’s year had impregnated a 14 year old.
I don’t know what 14 year olds are doing these days but pregnancy is not really what I had my eye on back then. All I really remember of my years as a 14 year old was that I thought I was the alpha-dog of all alpha-dogs. I was friends with this girl, L, admittedly was much cooler than me. She was generally dressed entirely in black and listened to bands I pretended to know. This proved to be rather easy as the only words understandable were “AHHHHHHHHH” or “OHHHHHH” or other words beginning with a vowel and ending in a long screech. The tones of all the songs were angry so when she asked me if I had heard the latest Dying Fetus or Slipknot album I could reply with: “Oh yeah, it’s angry.”
After a while I got sick of being angry and went back to listening to the Rolling Stones, the Beatles, Queen and Nirvana. This proved to give me more popularity points with L. After all, “I wasn’t one of those pretentious posers who just to pretend to like this stuff because it is now cool.” If only she knew. But this comment did severely boost my mindset as an alpha-dog. Neither of us were particularly interested in boys at the time because, “we were living for the music.” So the idea of pregnancy never really crossed my mind.
But as my sister is not in her room listening to scary screech music she must be getting pregnant. I could not let this happen. So at first I thought my best method of attack would be to imprison her. I tried barricading her door, but dad was suspicious when he saw me carrying a plank of wood and a toolbox upstairs, so I decided on a different option. I started calling her at various points of the day to make sure she was angry, but this only increased my phone bill and made my sister refuse to answer the phone when I called. I have read the boy who cries wolf and decided I better stop calling.
So now instead of going Big-Brother on her I have decided to let her deal with her problems on her own, but merely guiding her into the path of rigorousness i.e. a convent even if that means I will have to move out and live in a box on the street. But I found that brainwashing is not as easy as it looks, I’m not sure if my bible extracts are doing much to prompt her or what the effect of watching The Sound of Music three times in one week had on her influential mind. I guess only time will tell.